08-17-2016, 10:05 PM
"Messenger of God" is used in the title, yet as is noted in the poem the Aztecs worshiped many gods. "serpentine" rather than jagged, although I am uncertain the Aztec priest used such a knife as the object was generally a heart sacrifice, the only thing that change was the type of person sacrificed was related to what god the sacrifice was for. Such as a baby was sacrificed to the rain god, because of the tears the baby would shed, the tears being the metaphorical equivalent to rain, or a strong healthy (perfect) male sacrificed to the sun god which was also the god of war (I think the connection should be obvious).
This is written in couplets and begins in iambic tetrameter, but by the third couplet (if not before) the meter breaks down. Thus, so does the poem. One could say at this point the poem fails, especially as iambic tetrameter is a fairly simple metric form, and there is nothing else to support the poem in terms of a rhythmic quality. It is obvious that the writer struggles with meter, even in the first couplet:
"The feathered man and jagged knife,
a totem on the heaven's steps."
The "the" in the second line is not needed and is only included to make the meter work. Not related to meter, but the "and" in the first line should be "with".
In the description part there are a number of cliches, " cotton clouds", "velvet sky" etc.
There are also a number of gap fillers:
"that swallow the stars and night sky."
Although cliche, one can say the gods could swallow the stars, but to go further is simply nonsensical. Even if the gods could swallow the night sky, how would one know since all the stars are gone. I mean physically it might change, but it would still look the same.
Anyway, interesting topic. It would be nice if taken deeper in terms of metaphor, and a greater grasp on the meter so the poem has the necessary energy to allow it to continue to move down the page.
Best,
dale
This is written in couplets and begins in iambic tetrameter, but by the third couplet (if not before) the meter breaks down. Thus, so does the poem. One could say at this point the poem fails, especially as iambic tetrameter is a fairly simple metric form, and there is nothing else to support the poem in terms of a rhythmic quality. It is obvious that the writer struggles with meter, even in the first couplet:
"The feathered man and jagged knife,
a totem on the heaven's steps."
The "the" in the second line is not needed and is only included to make the meter work. Not related to meter, but the "and" in the first line should be "with".
In the description part there are a number of cliches, " cotton clouds", "velvet sky" etc.
There are also a number of gap fillers:
"that swallow the stars and night sky."
Although cliche, one can say the gods could swallow the stars, but to go further is simply nonsensical. Even if the gods could swallow the night sky, how would one know since all the stars are gone. I mean physically it might change, but it would still look the same.
Anyway, interesting topic. It would be nice if taken deeper in terms of metaphor, and a greater grasp on the meter so the poem has the necessary energy to allow it to continue to move down the page.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.