08-16-2016, 10:56 PM
There's a number of lovely lines in the poem, reproduced below. It's the stuff in between that doesn't appeal to me. Examples: i) the refrain 'when I was...' what's wrong with just 'three or four / five or six' or just 'three:' / 'four:' etc.? ii) confusing detail...what's a little girl lying all Roman got to do with your being gay? iii) 'my bedroom smells of bacon' - it's been days and I don't get the connection.
Sorry, I can't give you anything more detailed at this stage - a bit crunched for time.
Lines I liked shown below:
(1)
...playing with my penis
as if it were just another finger.
(2)
...the little red-haired girl,
Botticelli's vision,
that lied all Roman on the wooden seat (what's "lied", though?)
(3)
And the masculine word tore through me
like a priest's knife,
(4)
God revealed the rainbow.
(5)
...from a boy whose heart in my presence
always went like mad
came my first kiss, given wet with eros,
received dry with philautia.
Sorry, I can't give you anything more detailed at this stage - a bit crunched for time.
Lines I liked shown below:
(1)
...playing with my penis
as if it were just another finger.
(2)
...the little red-haired girl,
Botticelli's vision,
that lied all Roman on the wooden seat (what's "lied", though?)
(3)
And the masculine word tore through me
like a priest's knife,
(4)
God revealed the rainbow.
(5)
...from a boy whose heart in my presence
always went like mad
came my first kiss, given wet with eros,
received dry with philautia.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe