08-16-2016, 08:20 PM
@dared - you're right, 'mass of people' is not an abstraction, so wrong choice of word there on my part. Rather than being abstract, it's bland, like 'group of teens' or 'bunch of professors'. It doesn't do anything that just 'below, the people sway' doesn't.
It's ok in speech, but not in writing, and particularly not in writing poetry, where word economy is important.
One possible re-arrangement:
Below, the people sway in prayer
to Mictlantecuhtli, dark god
who swallows the night sky and stars
It's ok in speech, but not in writing, and particularly not in writing poetry, where word economy is important.
One possible re-arrangement:
Below, the people sway in prayer
to Mictlantecuhtli, dark god
who swallows the night sky and stars
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe