Messenger of God

[dukealien]

The feathered man and jagged knife,
a totem on the heaven's steps.

Sun's gaze bleeding through cotton clouds,
dripping red into velvet sky.

A body writhes against the ropes,
the cold slab pushing against him.

Below, the mass of people sway,
and they pray to the darkest gods

that swallow the stars and night sky.
But now they hunger for life's debt. 

Fear roots into the man's features.
The knife descending, it's sculpted. 


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A pretty simple poem trying to imagine the scene of Aztec human sacrifice. Not super deep, but just wanted to know if the imagery is good or not and if the rhythm is good. But yea any kind of critique is welcome.

You have some original images here, and have chosen an effective way to organize them.  Spelling and grammar are fine (though one might niggle about "the mass of people sway" - strictly speaking, "mass" is singular so it could be "sways.")

If there is one particular area for improvement, it could be rhythm.  Your lines are uniformly eight syllables, suggesting blank verse (uniform rhythm but no necessary end-rhyme).  In free verse, no uniform rhythm is required, of course, nor rhyme.

Another, if you'd like to try it, is replacing generic words (particularly "the") with more descriptive, evocative ones.  If you'll pardon the rewrite,

Fear knots the victim's painted face.
Carved knife descends, obsidian.

Flow will come; work at it!   Reading aloud (to an audience, if available) can help a lot.