08-15-2016, 05:10 PM
I think you've got some great lines in:
"but the stoats, invisibly, slip between the wood-stocks
hiding from the tomcat and his bone-beds in back of sheds"
Although I would question whether stoats need to hide from tomcats, there's great assonance in these two lines (also, "in the back" or "in backs" would be more correct)
However, the lines are run-on. I don't know whether that is deliberate or not, but it doesn't make for good reading.
What you have at the moment is a jumble of lines, some good, some ordinary. Perhaps you should begin afresh by forming complete sentences.
"but the stoats, invisibly, slip between the wood-stocks
hiding from the tomcat and his bone-beds in back of sheds"
Although I would question whether stoats need to hide from tomcats, there's great assonance in these two lines (also, "in the back" or "in backs" would be more correct)
However, the lines are run-on. I don't know whether that is deliberate or not, but it doesn't make for good reading.
What you have at the moment is a jumble of lines, some good, some ordinary. Perhaps you should begin afresh by forming complete sentences.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe