08-13-2016, 11:01 PM
Thanks to both recent critics for the excellent comments.
@kolemath - Good point on on L1: it's there because that happens to be when I went out to rake them. If the line has any purpose, it might be to show how routine such an activity is, not worth changing the day's schedule. Must consider how the line could grab better.
No thesaurus was cracked. Have always been a military history enthusiast, both before and after making a tiny bit of the stuff.
"Mother-trees" or "trees, bereaved..." are possible.
@just mercedes - Thanks, particularly, for your critique. L14 remains a puzzle; your suggestion leads me to think root
of the problem is in L13 rather than L11.
@kolemath - Good point on on L1: it's there because that happens to be when I went out to rake them. If the line has any purpose, it might be to show how routine such an activity is, not worth changing the day's schedule. Must consider how the line could grab better.
No thesaurus was cracked. Have always been a military history enthusiast, both before and after making a tiny bit of the stuff.
"Mother-trees" or "trees, bereaved..." are possible.
@just mercedes - Thanks, particularly, for your critique. L14 remains a puzzle; your suggestion leads me to think root
of the problem is in L13 rather than L11.
Non-practicing atheist