surfing

[Erthona]

This seems to lack the depth to be in serious. It tells rather than shows and in telling uses a lot of repetition that does not benefit the poem: "rolling waves" "paddle, paddle, paddle" . There is nothing deeper than just the telling of surfing, there is little use of poetic tropes, especially metaphor. There is nothing about it to emotionally draw the reader in and thus cause the reader to care about the poem. Were it spoken aloud by someone with an oratorical voice that could make the words come alive, it might work, but still I suspect most of the repetition would need to be removed. Try reading it aloud to someone, and see how that goes. There are some of your sentences that are not grammatical and some are not even sentences, "A pelican or dolphin breath."
There is also forced rhyme:

"A wave ahead, a set of waves,
God’s collection, handmade."

Although there is little rhyme to speak of. In this particular spot it seems the writer went out of his wave way to make a rhyme happen, even though the second part really doesn't follow the first and comes across as very ad hoc.

My favorite line "A shark could kill me from the view below of salty shadows." Although still somewhat clumsy.

Instead "From the salty shadows below, a shark could rise and kill me."

However, this poem is not ready for serious, there is simply not enough to go line by line. I think you would receive more beneficial critic in the "Mild" forum. I could be wrong but I don't think most people will try and critique this, in this forum. You can ask a mod to move it if you like.

Best,

dale