Salt Lines

[Shay]

The title is rather intriguing and evokes a subtle connotation of modern and abstract elements. The overall composition of this seems to be impressive, with a straightforward, yet very effortless approach. I also really appreciate that you employed a nice balance of (effective) alliterations and some unconventional phraseologies. 

Salt Lines

Carriage jungle shudders 
carry offending souls wayward
touched on to stale eye flickers,
close vacancy, loose cares.  
Unwashed men in sweat salt
caps consider the white
light lies of thumbed palms,
dumbed psalms of 
daily deliverance. - Great usage of some stylistic devices here, I also love the assonance play of "palms/psalms".
Un-held sways distract headlight  
plays to that sound: rhinestone brakes

Routine sits considered among his   
friends Numb and Bedrock. - This segment indeed has a (for me rather subtle) change in narrative, appearing to be of deductive nature. I think the transition here could have been done in a slightly smoother pattern, perhaps a higher degree of detail could have been employed.
no words worth utter, no pleasantries. 
they remained, to lacerate. 
Unshaken by crack white slaves 
or ignorant children of infants. - 
They stand, statue to like of concern
or played apathy to road line, 
not interest, least curious.

Carriage jungle shudders 
assume rights to passage,
but that gutter fakes folly as 
Routine holds that pass of clean air.   
Blackbirds - Punctuation in this segment could enhance the smoothness of the read here, maybe a comma or a combination to the preceding sentence could be integrated. But it doesn't immediately distract from the relevance here.  
murdered for drama-less plays. - I can't really tell what it is, but this was one of the highlights which this work harbours. It seems to be straightforward, but very effective in a amazingly subtle way. I think this is beautifully written, for the contrast creation alone. 
End-of-line stupor would dupe her,
heavy as strangled minds tore tangled vine.   
let them off at the next  
last stop.  - The ending now leads to a more thorough depiction of the final scenery - I think it is expertly conveyed. 

Overall, this was a rather unique display of a very interesting concept and I enjoyed the slightly abstract and vague basis of this. I do agree that the technical aspect could be more thoroughly emphasised here, such as with regard to punctuation and the capitalisation (which has been pointed out earlier). I'm looking forward to reading more from you.