08-04-2016, 11:20 AM
I think the lambs and wolves bit had been way overdone. Talking about drinking cum makes what ever point you were trying to make silly... Ending on love in the list feels tired. I guess you had to end it somewhere...
Feel like you could cut "that's right"
It's an interesting poem but I think it reads more like a rough draft. Wolves among the lambs is tired and there is no new perspective brought to it here. I also don't think the imagery there fits well with thetbe of the rest of the poem.
The poem kind of spits a lot of ideas out but I don't think the last two lines are enough to bring it back together...
Feel like you could cut "that's right"
It's an interesting poem but I think it reads more like a rough draft. Wolves among the lambs is tired and there is no new perspective brought to it here. I also don't think the imagery there fits well with thetbe of the rest of the poem.
The poem kind of spits a lot of ideas out but I don't think the last two lines are enough to bring it back together...