08-01-2016, 07:02 AM
(06-09-2016, 06:41 AM)mitsuch Wrote: TrueI like "we live in a world sightless" better than the original. However, what about the word "man" in "a complex matrix of man"? How about "humanity" or a similar word? I'm also wondering if the word "untrue" in "an untrue fleeting grace" might be changed to a more fitting synonym? What do you think?
Edit 1:
We stand in this delectable land,
a casing, enveloping truth.
We live in a world sightless,
our faint ideas of the world.
A false belief is delivered,
a love that leaves us bland
a complex matrix of man,
a cloak over sincerity.
An embrace, that fixates,
an untrue fleeting grace.
We lie at the mercy of us,
As we let ourselves into the embrace.
Original :
We stand in this delectable land
A casing, enveloping truth
We live in a world sheathed,
Our faint ideas of the world
A false belief is delivered
A love that leaves us bland
A complex matrix of man
A cloak over genuine meaning
An embrace that fixates
An untrue fleeting grace
We lay at the mercy of us
As we let ourselves into the embrace
~blue

