A key in the door

[bluegypsea]

Edit 1

He guzzles each storm, sets fires
that fume across the face
of each lashed out angry flash
clenched and spat.

We hold our breath invisible
and count the quiet seconds
between the crushing steps
as giants fight inside the forest.

When all falls soft amongst the trees
It's then the sun rises tangerine
and light returns across the leaves,
we slip like otters into streams.


Original
Angry as a tasered tiger
his storm sets fires
only a roar can snuff out.
Covered heads go camouflaged,
inside our frozen forest
icicles hang like sharp teeth
until he falls, a drunken sleep.
It's then the sun rises tangerine
to warm the leaves, free to beam
we slip like otters into streams.

Personally, I prefer the original to the edit -- simply because I personally like the word choice of the original better.  However, they are both examples of excellent work!  I do have a question though -- is there anything in particular you meant to convey by the use of the line "as giants fight inside the forest"?  I'm not sure what to make of that -- please clarify!  Overall, great job!

~blue