my own mind

[Todd]

Hi wipmp, 

Let me give you some comments. Hopefully, they'll help you. This is a very difficult subject to pull off--mostly because it is often too introspective and boring. If it happens in your mind nothing actually happens.

I have spent so much time there.
I know its pathways.--The opening is flat. When you start with the title of "my own mind" and then you launch into the poem you need to move away from I have or I know passages and move directly into imagery. Otherwise, it is just more of the uninteresting introspection I mentioned.
 
Pronounced and strong--These adjective tags should just be demonstrated in the imagery itself.
arching terraces of beautiful memories.
Low hanging fruit--Cliche
rendered from reality.
 
Generous abundant confidence--Again a list of adjectives not proven in the image.
mostly secured somehow.--Vague
Saved for times of need.
 
Individual interpretation
of events.--Vague, gives a sense of something without delivering anything new or pushing the poem forward.
Sometimes I can trust it.
 
Perplexing perpetuation
of habits unintended.
Wayward wandering.--Again all of this is wordy without advancing theme or content. If it is doing that it's doing that in too vague of a manner.
 
Lost in an meadow--a not an. Also, since the terraces above this is a return to imagery. More of this less of the other elements.
twittering with birds,
lined with a creek swimming
with fishes.
 
When I intended to be
occupied attentively
in a meeting I know is
important. --Not much point in this strophe
 
Oh how I long to release it.
Oh how I worry where it would take me.--The two "it"s make a vague and unsatisfying conclusion.

I think abandoning these flatter statements and reworking this with more imagery would help. I also think focusing in on what revelation or epiphany you want the reader to walk away with should also be a priority.

I hope that helps some.

Best,

Todd