Travel Dream (new edit 2)

[RiverNotch]

[b]TRAVEL DREAM (edit 2)[/b]

A television prison lights the living room
with the flicker of a nature show on mute.
Body shackled by sofa cushions 
and drifting down a stream of dreams. I hate fragments (xD) -- comma, uncapitalized body. But however unnecessary "living" (not living) is, it sounds good. Yeah, I like the whole upward (literally) movement of this poem -- this is a good stage to set, rather setting-of-the-stage.

The voiceless tone of quiet comes.
“Qu,” the wind blows.
In the middle “I” am floating.
The water murmurs, “e,” around me.
Tree branches tap the “t.” So the surroundings spell out "quiet". Do the images themselves support this notion, so much so that if you left the images and only the images up there, the point will come across? Yes. Does the rest of the poem deal with this idea, of spelling things out, of language coming from the living world? No. Is it at least especially graceful? A little up for debate, but taking all of the poems I've read as a valid sample, this device is usually used as a poem's conceit, and not as a secondary device, its method is so eccentric that it ends up taking away all attention. Thus, why this whole device feels contrived to me, and has felt so since the first edit -- I would rather you kept the images, gutted the first line, then blot out all those quote marks.
I stretch my arms and legs,
—left foot in N. America,
right foot in S. America,
left arm in Europe,
right arm in Africa,
summersault into Asia,
flip up and land in Australia—
a little dirt from every land dusted on my face,
my sweat in every country,
my piss in every ocean,
my shitting foods of every people. "my shit of foods of every people" makes no sense, and neither does this. "my shitting foods of every people" -- wait, so you own foods, of every people, that shit? xD The first version conveys (and not even conveys best, since it seems to be the only way) what you're trying to say here: my shit, the food[s] of [each and] every people. But I'm in the camp of just scrapping it. As for the rest of the device, well, that's basically the point of the poem, unlike the whole spelling thing, and I do think it's quite graceful -- I especially like "a little dirt from every land dusted on my face". Something someone could shout to make a political point....
Canada, Chile, Siberia, Outback, Sahara.
In hundreds of languages, thousands of sounds,
one word repeats. These last three lines work very well already (aside from the fragment, but only because I hate fragments! xD), but here's a suggestion:
Canada, Chile, Siberia, Outback, Sahara: so, every country. But where're the oceans? So,
Ocean 1, Sea 2, Random Body of Water 3, and so on: just to make it symmetrical, separated not by a period, for I truly do hate fragments (yes, even the ones that show up in Walt Whitman), but by commas.
Language 1, Language 2, Dialect 3, and so on: this time, separated from the previous by an em dash, to show that the speaker is moving on. And separated from the following by a comma, because
In hundreds of languages, thousands of sounds: you're back again! I think enhances the lists really emphasizes that "hundreds, thousands" vibes you're trying to portray.

Quiet comes and goes Sure, quiet returns here, but you still didn't need to spell it out -- the word is the word, not its constituent elements. If all those places you've been spelled something out, or "congealed to create" or whatever whatever, then yes, the device would have worked (if felt still quite contrived), but right now, no. The only case this makes is for not cutting the first line of the last stanza -- hence my more careful suggestion to gut it instead.
to alarm clock buzz dream break.  
Awake. Why did the speaker suddenly forget his grammar here? Again, another contrived device -- there's no sense of build up. "as the alarm clock buzzes, / breaks the dream. I / awake, / turn off..." is my suggestion, but either way, there's no real reason to suddenly give up on proper verb usage.
Turn off muted television science show, Muted, television, science -- I think the piece is short enough so that all these details are still remembered by this point. I know I did. And the repetition doesn't seem to support any points -- remove them. Or maybe just two?
body longing for the moon. Good note to end, though. Good stuff in general.