07-25-2016, 12:29 PM
Feedback: When you say...
The delectable land, what makes it true? Or is the word delectable encasing the truth?
You then make a jump from living in a sightless world to a false belief being delivered. What is this false belief, that we live in a sightless world, or the philosophy that is preached to us about living in this world, is that the falsehood? And is this false belief encased in the idea of what love is - The blandness that you expressed.
It's entirely up to you whether or not you can make another edit. In my opinion, this poem did exactly what it was meant to do when you wrote... It was meant to have us question and debate the meaning of life, love and this world. Otherwise, why would you have written it in a philosophical tone, right?
I like it, but in my opinion there are some additions you could make to bring in more emotion, to make people who read agree more with what you're saying.
Keep up the good work.
The delectable land, what makes it true? Or is the word delectable encasing the truth?
You then make a jump from living in a sightless world to a false belief being delivered. What is this false belief, that we live in a sightless world, or the philosophy that is preached to us about living in this world, is that the falsehood? And is this false belief encased in the idea of what love is - The blandness that you expressed.
It's entirely up to you whether or not you can make another edit. In my opinion, this poem did exactly what it was meant to do when you wrote... It was meant to have us question and debate the meaning of life, love and this world. Otherwise, why would you have written it in a philosophical tone, right?
I like it, but in my opinion there are some additions you could make to bring in more emotion, to make people who read agree more with what you're saying.
Keep up the good work.