Wet Earth Waltz

[LunaDeLore]

The sweet loam air of morning in July
spritzes from the feet of a girl -------------abstraction is nice in many cases but spritzer coming from someone's feet is too unreal.
stalking frogs around a pond.------I like the image of the girl catching frogs, but the previous two lines take something away from it.

Her approach is steady, careful, vital.

There’s a gravity to the moment
before she pounces, a frozen breathlessness
that creeps up your spine and into your headspace ------ headspace is awkward; maybe it would creep up your spine and encompass your skull or maybe creeps up your spine is enough
as though a race is about to start,
or a pretty woman’s met your eyes. --------

It ends with a splash
as laughter echoes heroically,
despite her empty hands.

Wjames,

I like what your attempting to illustrate in this poem; the excitement of a girl trying to catch a frog and the happiness that comes from trying. However, I think you need to look at your imagery and consider how to better convey the message. Spritzes from her feet is somewhat daunting for the reader; it's a bit difficult to picture. Yet, I don't find any problem with the ending.

Keep writing

Luna