$433.10

[Todd]

Hi Lizzie, some comments for you.

Interesting interaction. 

I hold your gaze firm
as a handshake and say 'how may I help,'--I like this simile, but I wonder if it's too friendly sounding. This transaction is actually anything but friendly. The question is facetious. 

but I'm not asking.--One of the key lines, which you repeat like a sort of refrain. The speaker is not a consultant more someone who is exercising control.
You can choose only the me you want to see— --Again this is a poem about perception (another key theme). There could be a debate on breaking on choose to give the illusion of choice just like you have already provided the illusion of help and the illusion of asking.

soft spoken, hands in pockets,
or joking and slapping thighs.

You can choose my voice: your daughter, your sister,
your best friend forever. --Maybe tighten this: "I can speak as your daughter..."

That's my favorite shirt!
Modal has effortless weight. It requires--I wonder if you want the terse "It requires" or if instead you'd like to couch the observation to subtly poke at insecurities like you do later with the panties. 

a different bra, though. May I ask your name?--I don't know if you need this first "May I ask your name?" Possible cut. 
I'll go get my measuring--I'm not sure what this break adds. I'm trying to find a layered meaning in measuring and than reading it again as measuring tape and I'm not seeing it. 

tape because I'm not really asking. --Like the repetition for theme.
I notice --Again an important line. I began to wonder at this point if the salesperson was actually a full length mirror (though I rejected that).

the pants you're wearing—
their stitching, leg shape, drape—

to make you wonder--I wonder if "wonder if" would be better replaced by "worry that"
if everyone sees you in this much detail.

You become self-conscious, wanting to please.
Make me proud!--This sequence would be better shown by actions that the person takes. Holding in a stomach, straightening shoulders, etc.

Buy the name brand jeans with the rhinestones on the ass.
They offer control on the inside. --This is a great visual line implying that an external purchase will change you and give you a feeling of a broader sense of control than implied here.

Do you need new panties? Something lacy!
Men will be watching, and you don't want to be embarrassed--Maybe end this on with watching. As one of the themes  has the observer being changed by those that observe--even in this sale. I think the final phrase could be implied.

to reveal something ugly.--That change would require a small fix here. 
I'm sure your husband

would love the matching bustier.
You don't have a husband? Buy the bustier!

Four hundred thirty-three dollars, ten cents—
it's refreshing to lose the pretense.--Nice 

You ask for my name with a grateful smile
and this is my final lie.

As always I hope the comments help. 

Best,

Todd