Hailstorm - edit3

[dukealien]

Can I just say: I love this. I think the poem is beautiful, and you've done such a wonderful job bringing this scene to life and going into meaningful metaphor with it.

I just don't like the word "cope." That's what's throwing me off. I think you do need something after "colors" to wrap up the message, but I would like it to be something that's more from the natural world. Perhaps something that points to a coming back alive after the loss. What I like about cope is that it highlights the tree's continuation in spite of adversity, however I think it could be a stronger with an image that implies that there will be some kind of resurrection of vitality lost.

Who knows. Sorry if this is utterly unhelpful.

But, again, great job.

lizziep

Thanks for the insightful critique.   To me, "cope" contains apropos connections with "coppice" and its roots in lopping, trimming, and pruning.  Mainly, though, I'm quite taken with L11   and seem consequently to be
marching in smaller and smaller
circles around that
terminal
period
dot
.

So-far discarded candidates for the five syllables include

Parent-trees must cope.
Trees and God must cope.  (double meaning, with the archaic "cope" as pruning)
Trees must sigh and cope.
Trees sigh, God must cope.
God and trees will cope.

Contestant #3 was closest to acceptable, IMHO.