The Past Mends Her

[shemthepenman]

Not a deep critique, but just a few notes.

I as well hate the title.
Colon, line break, dash. That formatting confuses me. It distracts me, in a place where it really shouldn't.
When programming, whitespace is extremely useful, and I use it often. In poetry, there is rarely an occasion where I feel it is appropriate. I don't think this is one of those rare occasions, IMO.

Overall, the child voice is way too loud. I read this as a whining child, which might not be far from the intent. Unfortunately, I don't like the sound of whining children, no matter what they're whining about.

colon, line break, speech, i don't think it's confusing--although, i have heard the rule that one should only use a colon to introduce speech with more than 6 words; but seriously? is it having 5 words and not 6 really that troublesome? regardless, noted.
i often find the opposite is the case, whitespace is rarely useful in programming and almost always appropriate in poetry. however, i will adjust accordingly.

also, reiterating "the title is rubbish" may confirm my own judgement but it doesn't really help. suggested title please. i have a few ideas, but jesus, do i really have to do all the fucking work here! god you people are lazy cunts.*


*i don't mean that, obviously. but do have to make that clear, just in case.