The Past Mends Her

[shemthepenman]

Mother made it to the sofa, at last,

collapsed,and slurred:  -- space before and?

—Have a nice birthday, honey? -- I like the question mark at the end, like mom doesn't really know what's going on.

But, I didn't know where I was
or who I was
or why they hurt me.

I'm not a horrible person, -- I would probably enjoy "bad kid" here better, since it flows into five years old, etc. Unless you're talking about the adult here, which is fine.
I'm not! -- to me, the repetition doesn't add much.

I'm free. -- I like the rhyme between free, three, me. But, freedom is just so ambiguous that I don't feel moved by this.

I'm five years old
and a Nietzschean force of nature,

times three. -- love these three lines. You seem to be switching voices between an adult and a child, but I don't mind it. I don't think you have to pick. Just be aware that throwing Nietzsche in there pulls me away from the child and then I have to go back in the next lines.

And, I'm sick of it,
                           sick of it,

                                          sick of it.  -- Hell yes. Love the strong voice here.
Stop hurting me. -- white space makes this stand out even more

He put his hands round my throat
and choked me.
He love me like a father should— -- Loved?

my lover, my daddy, my protest, too.

I'm not a horrible person,  -- I'm making the assumption that the speaker is the adult here, in which case horrible person works
I'm not! -- ditto what I said above about the repetition

I'm supergirl.

I collect the things that hurt,  -- I'd omit "the" -- I collect things feels stronger
and no one knows. -- about what?

—It's just the way life is,
mother said,
the way it goes. -- I like these three lines -- that is exactly what a mother would say. And it's no kind of consolation, whatsoever.

Now, I'm hard and soft and hard

just like a coffin nail. -- this is supposed to be a thinker, right? I'll think more about it!


[another one salvaged by Billy's ingenuity. previously was given a different title with catastrophically, unforeseen, emotive consequences; hence, i retitled it.]

Great stuff here!

Cheers big ears

thanks for the critique. i have never been sure about this poem. it's one of my more experimental efforts. i think i primarily have 3 different ways of writing [with some overlap], which tend to produce 3 different styles, and this one represents the most unsatisfying, to me. however, there is something about it that i obviously like enough to keep coming back to it. i don't know.
anyway, the only thing i would disagree with is you ask "and no one knows"--about what? maybe i am being slow, but doesn't this clearly follow from the last line? that is, rearranged it would read "no one knows [that] i collect the things that hurt".

oh, also, i hate the title.