Wafting

[Lizzie]

Probably true. Thank you guys for the critical comments. I do enjoy writing something this easy, (the off-rhymes, descriptions, pacing, syllables aside). But that's probably what discourages me most when I submit such a thing. I'll correct it with more concrete, relatable, solid words that will engage the reader. Or at the very least, write about something in the real world. I'll keep the helpful comments in mind if I ever submit more in the future.

I'd try to revise before giving up altogether. If surrealism and writing things that don't make exact literal sense is more your style there's still more than enough room in the poetic world for that. I agree with Wjames that it's a matter of appealing to the senses to allow the person to project themselves inside. By no means do I think that you have to change your style, just to learn to do it better to achieve the effect that you say you're going for.

I also agree that this is by far not the roughest start we've seen for a new writer, so try not to lose heart. Even the experienced writers here get tough crit.

I would look at the work of Keith, also. He's a writer here who does lovely things with surrealism.

Hope this helps,

lizziep