07-16-2016, 02:07 PM
Hi there,
This was interesting. I imagine that the person in this poem has a difficult life, given that he needs a safe space and lots of mental preparation just to go downstairs.
A vessel to conduct my extracurricular endeavors - I'm not feeling the word extracurricular here - although you may have had a reason for choosing it that I'm just not picking up on.
to Malaysia
or Alaska. - this has a nice flow.
I enjoyed this and felt that I was able to follow, just wanted you to flush it out a bit more. Give a little more to work with. Thanks, and good luck!
This was interesting. I imagine that the person in this poem has a difficult life, given that he needs a safe space and lots of mental preparation just to go downstairs.
A vessel to conduct my extracurricular endeavors - I'm not feeling the word extracurricular here - although you may have had a reason for choosing it that I'm just not picking up on.
to Malaysia
or Alaska. - this has a nice flow.
I enjoyed this and felt that I was able to follow, just wanted you to flush it out a bit more. Give a little more to work with. Thanks, and good luck!