07-16-2016, 12:03 PM
I'm having a hard time finding anything solid to grab on to here. Even in poems that are more abstract or surreal, there should be some kind of internal cohesion or key that gives the reader some kind of sense of what's going on. Maybe I'm just dense, but I can't find it here.
Not that I'm great with titles, but Wafting is just.....sleepy. I think you'd do well to re-imagine that and heading off your first line with it. While it is a beautiful word, it doesn't give me the sense that anything is going to happen in the poem and reduces my incentive to keep reading.
Hopefully others with more expertise can chime in some more more comprehensive crit.
I'll look forward to seeing how you revise it.
lizziep
Not that I'm great with titles, but Wafting is just.....sleepy. I think you'd do well to re-imagine that and heading off your first line with it. While it is a beautiful word, it doesn't give me the sense that anything is going to happen in the poem and reduces my incentive to keep reading.
Hopefully others with more expertise can chime in some more more comprehensive crit.
I'll look forward to seeing how you revise it.
lizziep