Vietnamese Traffic - Edit 1

[Leanne]

Edit 1:

It’s rainy season, and the streets are clogged
with mopeds, puddles, and the violent shrieks -- I enjoy the intertwining of the senses, the idea that a sound can make the air feel different.  This lifts your first line now because it's giving us a greater sense of place.  We can tell it's tropical, chaotic and not filled with affluent people
of rusted brakes. The air is dense and dark -- "rusted brakes" continues that idea of poverty and disrepair.  I am not sure whether "dense and dark" is better than "dense, dark" since you got to "and moving" on the next line
and moving, with meat smoke tendrils, -- and in come the smells to complete the picture.  This is tangible and very well done.
exhaust pipe plumes, and evening siren pangs.

I drive with no objective, aimlessly -- the juxtaposition of the one aimless driver amidst a setting of a city frantic with purpose works well to convey the feeling of foreign, isolated, out of place
winding through the coughing, drooling city. -- I'm not sold on "drooling" but I do like the personification of the city