For the Heights (Edit 2)

[RiverNotch]

Edit 2

Misty gloves meet molten sulfur
painting Ijen electric blue,
glorifying the solfatara-
breather's, the livings and the eaters,
darkness displaying the beauty of the night
miner gold's contrails.

They breathe mustard fumes,
drink acid metal,
they carry the weight of eternity on their back
up and down Ijen's summit
until they die.

Wait, this is about mining? I thought this was about art and shit -- I saw those misty gloves as the smoke painting the Ijen (which at first I did not know was a volcano, but that I think was more my 'fault' than yours), then the solfatara (skipping breathers because of the damn enjambment) as a sort of unifying "I, singular smoke, paint all volcanoes so", then that whole "they" bit as a really trippy way of centering the energies of the poem (I mean, hey, it begins with mustard gas, continues with drinking, of all things, '"acid metal"', then ends with a Jacob's ladder to death!). Well then ---------

In a more serious tone, even with that ambiguity the introduction of "miners" presents, this is still pretty good -- in the end, with that "they" absolutely senseless, but, like, say, a good middle-Beatles song, good. But ah, that ambiguity -- eventually, senseless good becomes forgettable drivel, unless you put a melody (or a bird) on it. And since this is a pretty obscure subject, my recommendations would be to make everything obvious outright: insert, say, the whole miner line, mustard fume line, and Ijen's summit line right on the top of the poem. Or maybe just donate this to the right audience, maybe an article protesting (or whatever) such operations -- I can only see such changes leading to worse quality, and again, this is already pretty good, with "pretty" meaning "it's its own".

Ah, but here's a nitpick: if my science is correct, it's not molten sulfur that's blue, but evaporated/plasma-something-ed sulfur, with molten sulfur being deep red. And sure, the alliteration is great, but still....
Oh, and another one: why would a miner carry his product back to the mine, especially if his product is useless to the whole operation?