In Hell, There is Honey

[Achebe]

Hi crow - I think a poem that begins with 'In hell there is...' needs to have tempo. There's only so long that a reader is going to suspend disbelief for, and if the poem plods along for too long, he'll lose interest. 
Some thoughts below:

In Hell, There is Honey (lyrics)

In hell, there is honey and dreams—
Yes, child, even there,  addressing the poem to a child is a distraction. Why not address it directly to the reader? The child doesn't answer in any case. Also, makes sense to carry on in one sweep from the previous line, without losing tempo
amid the torment of
them piercing things  why did you have 'them'??

What they that pain you with again, carrying on from the previous line before the reader snaps out of it
is exactly this: I like the slant rhyme of things / this
good things  repetition of 'things', but the repetition actually sounds nice
that will never will be. the inversion sounds better to the ear

In hell, there is honey and dreams. I think you need to rethink S2

They couldn't hurt you
if nothing was ever sweet.
They'd only purge you.
That's why it has to be

in hell, there is honey and dreams.

https://soundcloud.com/christopher-young...e-is-honey