The Details Are Unimportant (Revision 1)

[Lizzie]

Hi Todd! I don't have much, just a couple of thoughts.

Revision

There is a filmstrip running in my mind
like on one of those clackety-clack projectors -- love clackety-clack projectors   sets me up to view the shapshots of people that follow as members of a classroom, peers from high school, etc.
from science class. Only instead of answering a question
never asked about how plants eat sunlight
or the size of a dolphin’s brain, all that remains
are moments captured by an omniscient lens.
I can hear the laughter of my friend who died alone
as we all die, as I will someday die as I am dying now.
I’m not sure what I’m saying to make her laugh.
My words aren’t captioned.
There are other faces burned from the film blurred
by drownings, other cancer. They say I survived -- right in here is where I start to feel a disconnect. Making the switch from undefined connections like "her" and "others" to "my mother" felt like we were going in a different direction and I didn't know how to follow because there is no image presented for connection like "laugh," "laughter," "drownings," "cancer." All we get of the mother is absence. Paradoxically, I need some kind of detail or "snapshot" to connect me to this character. And, here might be your entire point, so forgive me if I just can't read properly.
when my mother died, though daily I am diminished -- diminished makes me think of 'diminutive,' and I think you're going for 'dim' to connect with faded. Honestly, I would just say 'daily I dim like a fading newspaper' to make this flow better into the next image.
like a faded newspaper on the park bench
where I will someday sit
when the reel is finally empty
and my lips sound out words
I can no longer read. -- the ending is very strong and ties up the whole image perfectly.