07-07-2016, 08:02 PM
I really liked this.
It reminds me of all the time spent upstairs in my bedroom, imagining other worlds, making plans, reading. It's where people hide from the world, while trying to prepare for it. I especially like the imagery of a spaceship for this reason- it seems to represent the fact that the character is trying to escape. And when they've gone downstairs, they're finally done preparing, done escaping. They're ready to face their own life's challenges.
It does strike me as odd that you don't include any planets or celestial bodies in the places they go, though. It also seems like you could connect space themes more throughout the poem, too. This is my first critique, so I'm sorry that I don't have any suggestions as to how to do that. Additionally, it would be better if you made a connection as to how one could take aspects of the spaceship with them when they go downstairs. That would clear up a lot of the confusion as to /why/ they're going downstairs.
It reminds me of all the time spent upstairs in my bedroom, imagining other worlds, making plans, reading. It's where people hide from the world, while trying to prepare for it. I especially like the imagery of a spaceship for this reason- it seems to represent the fact that the character is trying to escape. And when they've gone downstairs, they're finally done preparing, done escaping. They're ready to face their own life's challenges.
It does strike me as odd that you don't include any planets or celestial bodies in the places they go, though. It also seems like you could connect space themes more throughout the poem, too. This is my first critique, so I'm sorry that I don't have any suggestions as to how to do that. Additionally, it would be better if you made a connection as to how one could take aspects of the spaceship with them when they go downstairs. That would clear up a lot of the confusion as to /why/ they're going downstairs.