07-07-2016, 05:39 PM
hi sean no need for formatting unless it adds something,
good effort on the refrains though the initial lines feel too wordy, [an extra half foot on the meter] a suggestion would be ( I'm free to do what pleases me.) or something that better fits the meter.
while the poem seems to read well {reasonably good meter} the content doesn't feel like it's saying much. unbound and freed are more or less the same so one of them becomes redundant. there's no real solid image the reader can latch on to. use an odd simile or /and metaphor. that first refrain could go and the 2nd line of the first would be something stronger to work with, but it's just a suggestion.
good effort on the refrains though the initial lines feel too wordy, [an extra half foot on the meter] a suggestion would be ( I'm free to do what pleases me.) or something that better fits the meter.
while the poem seems to read well {reasonably good meter} the content doesn't feel like it's saying much. unbound and freed are more or less the same so one of them becomes redundant. there's no real solid image the reader can latch on to. use an odd simile or /and metaphor. that first refrain could go and the 2nd line of the first would be something stronger to work with, but it's just a suggestion.
(05-25-2016, 02:38 AM)Seanwd98 Wrote: I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates-
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.
I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate.
For from within, one finds their peace.
I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede.
For from within, one finds their peace.
I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.