The Details Are Unimportant (Revision 1)

[Leanne]

Just a quick rundown for now, Todd, and I'll come back when I have a bit more time.

There is a filmstrip running in my mind
like on one of those clackety-clack projectors
I used to watch in science class. Only -- because this is naturally a piece with a lot of the I in it, you might consider removing them where you don't need them.  This could work well enough with "...projectors/ from science class".
instead of answering a question
that I never asked about how plants eat sunlight
or the size of dolphins’ brains. I am left -- a comma instead of a full stop here I'd say. Also, you have a plural in "plants" so you might consider "the size of a dolphin's brain".
with images of myself shot from an omniscient perspective. -- this is a bit clunky.  Maybe something like "taken by the omniscient eye"?
I can hear the laughter of my friend who died alone
as we all die, as I will someday die as I am dying now.
I’m not sure what I’m saying to make her laugh.
My words aren’t captioned. I’m not that person anymore. -- is "I'm not that person anymore" really needed?  I feel it's implicit in the poem.
There are other faces burned from the film blurred
by drownings, other cancer. Does it matter? They say I survived -- do you need "does it matter?"  It is distracting here, for me at least.
when my mother died. I suppose I did. Though daily I am diminished -- the full stop after "did" followed by "though" is mucking up the structure here.
like a faded newspaper on a park bench -- maybe "the" park bench, make it a definite 
on which I will someday sit -- although grammatically correct, the two uses of "on" so close together make this a little clunky.  Maybe "where"?
when the reel is finally empty
and my lips sound out words
I can no longer read. -- beautiful ending

~~


*Another NaPM poem I wanted to workshop.