07-02-2016, 07:14 PM
Hi, WJ, very strong. I especially like L2 and the ending but the whole of it works beautifully.
The only thing I might change is I don't think you need "the floor".
like the moon
or a man pacing
or
like the moon
or a pacing man
After reading rowen's summer poem this is an image I'd rather have, repeated mistakes and all.
Much enjoyed, thanks for posting it.
And I have to put my hammock on its frame today, thanks for the reminder.
The only thing I might change is I don't think you need "the floor".
like the moon
or a man pacing
or
like the moon
or a pacing man
After reading rowen's summer poem this is an image I'd rather have, repeated mistakes and all.
Much enjoyed, thanks for posting it.And I have to put my hammock on its frame today, thanks for the reminder.
(07-02-2016, 05:30 PM)Wjames Wrote: The hammock doesn’t rest
with my weight on its cords
and the wind in my hair.
It’s pulled to the center
like the moon or a man
pacing the floor.
It sways in the sun,
sweating its mistakes
as it repeats them.
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