07-01-2016, 03:24 AM
KOLE!!!! My son has had night terrors too, and it's no joke. Seriously awful for all involved. I'm so sorry that has been part of your experience and I want to give the child Kole the biggest bear hugs of all time >
< >< ><
Ok, on to the poem: I do agree that it reads very much like prose. I was wholly engaged with you in the beginning, and I thought that you did a great job of getting the reader in to the story, but when you started listing off the other things that you remember, I had a hard time jumping from one to the next. I do agree that those other memories are essential to the conclusion and absolutely belong as part of the overall story; but, as a reader, I'm trying to follow the main narrative while being asked to separately review these other memories and then return. I feel like that breaks up the flow of the "night terror" narrative. By the time I got to "possessed behavior," I was into the mode of that subject, feeling the adrenaline, so I mentally resisted switching gears.
It's a tough one because I like the immediacy of the first part and the cerebral analysis of the second, it's just that my brain doesn't work well when my blood's pumping.
I love your ability to explain and name the amorphous feelings coming out of this for you -- language can be so inadequate, and you've done a great job.
I can't wait to see where you go with this!
lizziep
< >< ><Ok, on to the poem: I do agree that it reads very much like prose. I was wholly engaged with you in the beginning, and I thought that you did a great job of getting the reader in to the story, but when you started listing off the other things that you remember, I had a hard time jumping from one to the next. I do agree that those other memories are essential to the conclusion and absolutely belong as part of the overall story; but, as a reader, I'm trying to follow the main narrative while being asked to separately review these other memories and then return. I feel like that breaks up the flow of the "night terror" narrative. By the time I got to "possessed behavior," I was into the mode of that subject, feeling the adrenaline, so I mentally resisted switching gears.
It's a tough one because I like the immediacy of the first part and the cerebral analysis of the second, it's just that my brain doesn't work well when my blood's pumping.
I love your ability to explain and name the amorphous feelings coming out of this for you -- language can be so inadequate, and you've done a great job.
I can't wait to see where you go with this!
lizziep