06-30-2016, 08:00 AM
Fair enough, but if "it's in no way intended to be a comment on history," then why allude to history? why say "I wonder how he ever enraged / or engaged empires" if we're talking about a painting and not a person? and if this is to mean present tense empires as well, then shouldn't the line be in present tense? what christian-inspired wars have occurred since the painting of the sallman? I'm not a historian, but weren't the crusades the last christian-inspired wars? is it accurate to say the sallman enraged a empire?
is 'he' the appropriate word for a painting? in this line, "He's framed as a role model" i can clearly read a subject of a painting, but in lines like "Jesus seems false" and 'how he . . . enraged" is not equally successful in distinguishing the 2000 year old man and the 20th century image.
perhaps the poem should further establish a disassociation with the painting and the historical figure, more clearly treat the subject of the painting as fake rather than blending references to the man who you apparently believe was real enough to enrage.
I guess what I'm getting at is this: if the poem is questing the sallman only, then why allude to the historical jesus at all? (historical jesus is slightly oxymoronic, i'm thinking, but i digress)
bottom line is that it's your poem, but to my eyes, there are no questions in this piece, only a commentary on a painting with a reference to history that doesn't fit.
again, to my eyes, the questions would arise if the reader clearly understood what you're trying to ask: how does a corny white guy in a painting piss off empires?
my humble opinion
good luck with it
is 'he' the appropriate word for a painting? in this line, "He's framed as a role model" i can clearly read a subject of a painting, but in lines like "Jesus seems false" and 'how he . . . enraged" is not equally successful in distinguishing the 2000 year old man and the 20th century image.
perhaps the poem should further establish a disassociation with the painting and the historical figure, more clearly treat the subject of the painting as fake rather than blending references to the man who you apparently believe was real enough to enrage.
I guess what I'm getting at is this: if the poem is questing the sallman only, then why allude to the historical jesus at all? (historical jesus is slightly oxymoronic, i'm thinking, but i digress)
bottom line is that it's your poem, but to my eyes, there are no questions in this piece, only a commentary on a painting with a reference to history that doesn't fit.
again, to my eyes, the questions would arise if the reader clearly understood what you're trying to ask: how does a corny white guy in a painting piss off empires?
my humble opinion
good luck with it
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