Laundry Line, Edit #2

[kolemath]

Great edit, liz, and (at risk of repeating myself) the sonics and personification of laundry remains strong (my favorite elements).

My only hangup is

Clouds poke the ground,

       proposing a race— 

I'm glad the personification has extended to the weather, and it should; poke is a great verb too, but 'proposing?' a proposal can be refused, and after such delicate imagery of laundry, the word doesn't fit (for me). maybe a verb that extends the personification of the clouds? something more visceral/immediate/obligatory?  I'm not sure what...maybe some track and field language if 'race' is the word you want. perhaps thunder could fit into the boom of a gun used to signal the start of a race. (perhaps i'm going too far down the metaphorical rabbit hole).

thanks for the read!

-Kole