06-26-2016, 11:22 PM
(06-26-2016, 01:01 AM)LunaDeLore Wrote: In Cache
Sitting here wrenching out words
That won’t flow, that will flow
Just not today
Not today.
When the sun shines
On the sunflower’s face
After the camellia blooms
Have all fallen and rotted back into the ground. -- I've read this line several times, and I can't for the life of me see that it's a complete sentence. I do love that the content is very evocative, and it draws me in.
The words will come to me, swiftly
As the tide rises inside -- this is a lovely line
The realm of poetic phrases. I don't love "poetic phrases." Might be better to use a sensory image.
The corners of sonic awaken the senses -- I'm not sure I love the phrasing of "corners of sonic," but it might just be a style difference.
And relics begin to tremble on a shelf, -- does this mean that the power of the syllables will cause an earthquake? Just want to make sure that I'm tracking.
As syllables drop from tongues
Hitting the terracotta floor. -- I love this line: hitting and terracotta.
The words hidden in cache
Will flow
Just not today.

