The Sallman Head -- edit 3

[LunaDeLore]

Revision 2

Jesus seems false—photo-shopped—
to look brighter, lighter;

so light, in fact, he floats.
It only shows one side

and that makes me wonder
if he hides his ugly side.

He's framed as a role model:
chiseled jaw, cheekbones rising up

to heaven—candlelit eyes,
Mel Gibson blue—

his pillowy gaze without desire
and looking up        to his dad.

I wonder how he ever enraged
or engaged empires;

his heroin stare doesn't inspire.
Maybe people came to him to see the light

show—the radiant show, the halo show,
the skin show—fair faced

and gleaming in his Hampton Whites,
in a time long before bleach.



Revision 1

Jesus seems false, photo-shopped
to look brighter, lighter;

so light, in fact, he floats.
It only shows one side,

and that makes me wonder
if it's his ugly side that hides.

He's framed as a role model:
chiseled jaw, cheekbones rising up

to heaven – candlelit eyes,
Mel Gibson blue –

his pillowy gaze without desire,
and looking up        to his dad

with a history of violent behavior.
I wonder how he ever enraged

or engaged empires;
his heroin stare doesn't inspire

visions of an historical force.
Maybe people came to him to see the light

show – the radiant show, the halo show,
the skin show – fair

and gleaming in his Hampton Whites,
in a time long before bleach.



Original version, titled "The Light Show"

I never cared for Jesus – I like bad boys.
And blondes. He wasn't blonde, but he looks like it in his pictures.

They always seem false, photo-shopped
to look brighter, lighter;

so light, in fact, he floats.
Some pictures only show one side,

and it makes me wonder
if it's his ugly side he hides.

People say he's a role model:
chiseled jaw, cheekbones rising up

to heaven, his gaze perfectly desireless,
and always looking up        to his dad,

to his bad dad
with a history of violence.

I wonder how he ever enraged
and then engaged an empire

with insipid stares that don't inspire
visions of an historical force.

Maybe people came to him to see the light
show – the radiant show, the halo show,

the skin show – fair and gleaming in his Hampton Whites,
in a time long before bleach.

Lizz,

I think you did a wonderful revision and the work takes a much better form. The original extended beyond itself in a few areas but I have to admit I preferred the S1 of the original a little better. Of course, as the first version progressed S1 did seem a bit out of place.

Good work Lizz
Enjoyed reading

Luna