How We Have Changed (Revision 1.2)

[tectak]

Nice stuff,todd. Only a few nits in text. This is workshopped out and it is polished.
Best,
tectak

Revision 1.1

I watch you sleeping, I kind of want "watch" to be "watched" to tally with "nestled" Nit only. Nice opener if a long one sentence wise.
nestled in the depression
of the bed that my body left
huddling for a warmth I no longer feel. I can see a construction error here. The inability to "feel" the warmth is not because  of a sensory lack but a lack of warmth...so should it be "...huddling for warmth that is no longer there"?
Has this space between us always been
a part of me? The moon leaches
light from my skin like smoke Fine words and poignant. That conjunction, though, leads to concomitantly in to the  "settle" scenario and by so linking weakens the sentence.Opinion only, but how about dropping the "and" in favour of a semicolon?
rising from a fire, and I settle
into the darkness of our small room.
The sallow light rests on you,
holds you motionless,
immutable in amber.
The slats of the blinds rattle
in the night breeze, and their shadows
cover you in bars. I feel the hair
on my arms bristle at the captivity. Not sure about "the" captivity. Makes captivity objectively what the close is all about...is it not about YOUR captivity?

~~
Very slight edits


Revision

I watch you sleeping,
nestled in the depression
of the bed, that my body left,
in a lingering warmth I no longer feel.
Has this chill always been
a part of me? The moon leaches
light from my skin like smoke
rising from a fire, and I settle 
into the darkness of our small room.
The sallow light rests on you,
holds you motionless,
immutable in amber.
The slats of the blinds rattle 
in the night breeze, and their shadows 
cover you in bars. I feel the hair
on my arms bristle at the captivity.

~~
Edit 1: LizzieP, Achebe, Kolemath: Made some changes from your feedback.

Original

I watch you while you sleep,
nestled into the depression
of the bed, that my body left,
a shared warmth I no longer feel.
Has this emptiness always been
a part of me? The moon leaches
the light from my skin like smoke
rising from a fire, and I settle
into the darkness of our small room.
The pale light rests on you,
holds you motionless,
like a photograph, a captured moment.
The slats of the blinds rattle 
in the night breeze, and their shadows
cover you in bars. I feel the hair
on my arms bristle at the captivity.

~~

* A NaPM poem that I wanted to workshop.