06-24-2016, 01:59 AM
I like this, very clever. Maybe some em dashes around "photo-shopped" a la
Jesus seems false—photo-shopped—
to look brighter, lighter;
End of L4 no comma before "and"
L9-10 use full em dash, not hyphens (cut and paste the ones I put in above. Also in MS Word under insert-->symbol-->special character. Causes phrase to become parenthetical, has added benefit of driving milo insane.
L11 - no comma before "and"
Maybe:
"show—the radiant show, the halo show,
the skin show so—fair (nice chance for extended alliteration)
Good poem, really enjoyed it.
dale
Jesus seems false—photo-shopped—
to look brighter, lighter;
End of L4 no comma before "and"
L9-10 use full em dash, not hyphens (cut and paste the ones I put in above. Also in MS Word under insert-->symbol-->special character. Causes phrase to become parenthetical, has added benefit of driving milo insane.
L11 - no comma before "and"
Maybe:
"show—the radiant show, the halo show,
the skin show so—fair (nice chance for extended alliteration)
Good poem, really enjoyed it.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.