06-23-2016, 11:10 PM
Hi kolemath,
I've been struggling a bit with this one. Let me try to walk you through my thoughts. The content reminds me an old educational experiment I heard where teachers were told that a class was gifted and they overperformed, and other teachers were told that a class was performing behind grade and that class too lived up to those expectations. The classes were average and it was the teacher's belief and engagement that was the difference.
So it's the teacher's belief that is the key point to your poem.
The major issue I had was I felt the poem lacked immediacy and also came across a bit prescriptive and slightly preachy. In trying to deal with those issues, I came up with a possibility. Perhaps change your title to your current second line: "Yes, you are, the teacher thinks back" and then rewrite from a position of student reaction/teacher implied response from the title. This may allow you to recapture immediacy and lock everything in the back and forth play between the two.
So, I'm mostly saying try an extreme structural change and see if it can push your idea more fully.
I don't know if that would be helpful, but it was the first idea I had after reading through this a number of times.
Best,
Todd
I've been struggling a bit with this one. Let me try to walk you through my thoughts. The content reminds me an old educational experiment I heard where teachers were told that a class was gifted and they overperformed, and other teachers were told that a class was performing behind grade and that class too lived up to those expectations. The classes were average and it was the teacher's belief and engagement that was the difference.
So it's the teacher's belief that is the key point to your poem.
The major issue I had was I felt the poem lacked immediacy and also came across a bit prescriptive and slightly preachy. In trying to deal with those issues, I came up with a possibility. Perhaps change your title to your current second line: "Yes, you are, the teacher thinks back" and then rewrite from a position of student reaction/teacher implied response from the title. This may allow you to recapture immediacy and lock everything in the back and forth play between the two.
So, I'm mostly saying try an extreme structural change and see if it can push your idea more fully.
I don't know if that would be helpful, but it was the first idea I had after reading through this a number of times.
Best,
Todd
(06-23-2016, 07:21 AM)kolemath Wrote: A Conflict of Worldviews
“I’m stupid.”
Yes, you are, the teacher thinks back.
"Why
can’t you can’t spell or punctuate
still?" a student hears again
on the last day of school
before dropping out.
The Japanese have a word
—頑張る: Ganbaru
頑 - stubborn, firm, resolute (Gan)
張 - insist, claim, pull (ba)
る - do, make (ru).
Pull yourself up firm and insist
on standing resolute! Claim it! Do it!
Yet, back home the message:
You’re not smart naturally. It’s not
your fault you can only break your back
for life.
If the student had heard
Ganbaru
from a voice that believed,
what might have been achieved?
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson