06-23-2016, 05:51 PM
Hey Mike,
You've picked a really unique and fascinating subject here... and I should also add important to that.
I never knew sulfur mining existed and what it fully entailed until the past half hour when I decided to look it up and research it. The thing is most people will be in the same position as me with very little if any knowledge at all so you've got to either do the work for them and give lots of information in your poem or you make it interesting enough that they are happy to go and do a bit research. We all obviously use the internet here so doing a couple of google searches is not a problem and sometimes that's what a poem asks of the reader.
There are elements of your edit that make the poem's subject matter clearer but then there are other elements that seem to cloud it up again. Like the 'seven saints and forty virgins' reference seems a bit cryptic and I can't work out it's relevance to what you are trying to say. I can make an educated assumption as to why it's there and probably be correct but it doesn't stop it from being still a bit cryptic.
I need to go to work soon but I would like to come back to this. I'm a bit annoyed that I didn't look up sulfur mining last week when I first read the poem.
The things that I have just briefly learnt that might be possibly useful as imagery... sulfur was called 'brimstone' in the bible and the belief was that hell was the smell of sulfur. I also saw it being referenced to as Devil's Gold in more than one site.
Also when I was looking at pictures on google images I feel all mixed up because I know that it is hellish and horrific for the workers but then the landscape looks incredibly beautiful with it's striking yellow and golden appearance.
I really do think this is an excellent choice of subject
It can definitely work.
I'll leave it there for now coz I have to rush, cheers for the read and for giving me a reason to discover sulfur mining.
Mark
You've picked a really unique and fascinating subject here... and I should also add important to that.
I never knew sulfur mining existed and what it fully entailed until the past half hour when I decided to look it up and research it. The thing is most people will be in the same position as me with very little if any knowledge at all so you've got to either do the work for them and give lots of information in your poem or you make it interesting enough that they are happy to go and do a bit research. We all obviously use the internet here so doing a couple of google searches is not a problem and sometimes that's what a poem asks of the reader.
There are elements of your edit that make the poem's subject matter clearer but then there are other elements that seem to cloud it up again. Like the 'seven saints and forty virgins' reference seems a bit cryptic and I can't work out it's relevance to what you are trying to say. I can make an educated assumption as to why it's there and probably be correct but it doesn't stop it from being still a bit cryptic.
I need to go to work soon but I would like to come back to this. I'm a bit annoyed that I didn't look up sulfur mining last week when I first read the poem.
The things that I have just briefly learnt that might be possibly useful as imagery... sulfur was called 'brimstone' in the bible and the belief was that hell was the smell of sulfur. I also saw it being referenced to as Devil's Gold in more than one site.
Also when I was looking at pictures on google images I feel all mixed up because I know that it is hellish and horrific for the workers but then the landscape looks incredibly beautiful with it's striking yellow and golden appearance.
I really do think this is an excellent choice of subject
It can definitely work.
I'll leave it there for now coz I have to rush, cheers for the read and for giving me a reason to discover sulfur mining.
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie