How We Have Changed (Revision 1.2)

[Achebe]

I don't remember this one from NaPM, probably because the fantastic one you wrote about the noise of a falling chair fading into a point obliterated the memory of everything else. But a neat little poem, and a good one to workshop.

I watch you while you sleep, ....the two 'you's jar
nestled into the depression ....shouldn't it be 'nestled in'? I suppose you meant nestled in / rolled into, but the word is mildly distracting
of the bed, that my body left,
a shared warmth I no longer feel. ....feeling the warmth of the depression comes across as a bit loose. Perhaps you meant 'whose shared warmth'?
Has this emptiness always been
a part of me? The moon leaches
the light from my skin like smoke ....while I love the sound of 'leaches / light / like smoke', I don't know what to make of 'leaching like smoke from fire', burning being the opposite of leaching. Besides, the moon is reflecting off your skin, whereas leaching implies dissolution of the underlying substrate.  
rising from a fire, and I settle 
into the darkness of our small room. ... I love the entire section from 'The moon to here'. There's mild assonance in Settle / darkneSS / Small...the 's'  and 'n' sounds are nice, and the enjambment is quite natural.
The pale light rests on you, ...'pale light' is a cliche, but I can't think of a substitute here
holds you motionless,
like a photograph, a captured moment.
The slats of the blinds rattle 
in the night breeze, and their shadows 
cover you in bars. I feel the hair
on my arms bristle at the captivity. ...I love the sudden, arresting image at the end. The reader's eye goes naturally over to the next line - probably because of the preceding enjambments - and finds a nothingness after. It's exquisite.

~~

* A NaPM poem that I wanted to workshop.