06-20-2016, 09:50 AM
Sorry, I didn't really like this. It just reads like a bible passage. It's not .....dramatic enough....and could benefit greatly from some imagery that would bring the reader into the 'now '. It needs some color, some sounds, smells....something...The dry, antique language is kind of monotone.
I just re- read it again. The line that does stay with me is the 'eating twigs' because I try to picture it in my mind. I like that line. It's whack.
I feel bad that I'm not saying more nice things- I read your other poem and liked it. For me though, this one is a miss.
Good luck-V
I just re- read it again. The line that does stay with me is the 'eating twigs' because I try to picture it in my mind. I like that line. It's whack.
I feel bad that I'm not saying more nice things- I read your other poem and liked it. For me though, this one is a miss.
Good luck-V
"Why do you suppose we only feel compelled to chase the ones who run away?" -Vicomte de Valmont, Dangerous Liasons