Awkward Years

[LunaDeLore]

I'm a little nervous to post a poem for the first time, but here goes ~

---

Awkward Years
I am twenty two and mania has abandoned me --------- Not sure if beginning with  I complements the work; you could omit I am
leaving twenty pounds in its place, sandbags around my hips
and waist. I wonder
if the orange curls snaking from under my fast food visor ------ I really like this line
are secretly ugly
and no one is telling me
if the scars on my arms are obvious, or not,
and if the adult-onset acne taken home on my chin ------ This line doesn't read as smoothly as the others. As a reader I need something to soften the course between  onset and acne
will ever fade back to freckly white.
I do everything for an audience, even this lousy poem, ------- Not sure how this fits with the previous line
and nothing in private.
My internal dialogue is constantly dissected
by the part of me who "knows better",
twice a day I swallow salt pills
and hope they won't kill me
before I learn to live, really,
and

I miss the girl I was
self assured in her social worker shoes
not buffeted
hospital to hospital
gurney to gurney
pills in her belly
too many, too many.--------- One too many is enough or it's like two-to-too many.
I miss hot days in the city -------Not even sure how this fits in.
where the steam rises from the sidewalk ------How does hot days move to stream rising from the side walk? Where did the steam come from?
an aura of freedom
riding the twelve bus downtown
past Voodoo Donuts.
Now, all I have
is a dog and some daydreams
visions of grandeur laid to rest
at the foot of my former insanity.
Who was she,
this girl with the shoes, the smile, the cardigan
half buttoned
and where can I find her
and do I want 
to bring her home? ------- I like how you ended, good work.

Enjoyed reading your poem; the ending most of all. I think you have a line or two that may value the poem more, omitted. They just take more away from the poem's message. The work could also use some shaping up. Nevertheless, good work.

Luna