06-17-2016, 12:02 PM
Hi Andrias,
To me this reads like a spoken word piece. That aside I think you really had something going until L-8 then it seemed to be a little dialed in. I think you could end really strong if you re-thought your ending L-8 to L-12.
To me this reads like a spoken word piece. That aside I think you really had something going until L-8 then it seemed to be a little dialed in. I think you could end really strong if you re-thought your ending L-8 to L-12.
(06-14-2016, 01:32 AM)Andrias Wrote: This one is probably my shortest I've ever written:
Certain Love:
Self-love, dying to hate, whereas fingers can’t relate
Voicing grievances, rather than mutually masturbate
Ripped out your heart from it's emotional sleeve
Next to where the roses ejaculate their seeds,
budding a new-born spring, Incandescent feelings,
showered in blood, crying tears thicker than mud
Savoring sweet nothings from vacant voices
Like chewing a poisoned candied apple
Drawing from the well of indifferent choices
Salting the womb, the still born at noon
Forsaken a vice broken in disgust
Never satisfied until it costs a life…