Awkward Years

[Todd]

Hi ariii, welcome to the site! It's natural to be nervous. Let me give you a few comments below to consider.

You have a number of lines I like here (I'll point some out below). On a first pass, I would look to pare down what isn't necessary. If it doesn't impact tone or content it can probably be chopped. The poem on the whole is a bit wordy in this draft.

I'm a little nervous to post a poem for the first time, but here goes ~

---

Awkward Years

I am twenty two and mania has abandoned me
leaving twenty pounds in its place, sandbags around my hips--example: in its place could be substituted with behind.
and waist. I wonder
if the orange curls snaking from under my fast food visor
are secretly ugly
and no one is telling me
if the scars on my arms are obvious, or not,--or not is probably unnessesary.
and if the adult-onset acne taken home on my chin--taken home could probably be cut.
will ever fade back to freckly white.
I do everything for an audience, even this lousy poem,
and nothing in private.
My internal dialogue is constantly dissected
by the part of me who "knows better",
twice a day I swallow salt pills
and hope they won't kill me
before I learn to live, really,
and

I miss the girl I was
self assured in her social worker shoes--self-assured is a tag that you haven't proven. An action may display this and imply self assured. I like social worker shoes though--good detail
not buffeted
hospital to hospital
gurney to gurney
pills in her belly
too many, too many.--This last sequence was nice. I liked the stacatto details and the cadence of it.
I miss hot days in the city
where the steam rises from the sidewalk--great line
an aura of freedom--This is again a bit of shorthand. Show the freedom somehow in an action or image
riding the twelve bus downtown
past Voodoo Donuts.
Now, all I have
is a dog and some daydreams
visions of grandeur laid to rest
at the foot of my former insanity.
Who was she,
this girl with the shoes, the smile, the cardigan
half buttoned--like how you condense this sequence.
and where can I find her
and do I want 
to bring her home?--You might be able to play with the earlier dog line to set up your ending a little better.

Second half is better than the first. Though if you pare the first down I think your poem would pop more.

I hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd