Suburban Camouflage

[Wjames]

Suburban Camouflage 

I saw the movers carry in what had to be
a tanning bed- a vampire coffin- or
a George Forman grill for an elk? Foreman. I like the introduction very much.
It was the subject of much speculation 
Till last night, the neon purple Why is "Till" capitalised?
tanning lights lit up
their basement windows
like Close Encounters.
My fickle moths have
all abandoned my porchlight
to go bounce off
The glowing glass-
bip. bip. bip. Delightful light-hearted image.

My new neighbors are excessively fit 
and horrendously tan. Excellent turn.
Like a sort of cordovan shoe polish tan
That is both unnaturally dark
And slightly greasy. Again the random capitalising of the beginning of some lines confuses me, but it's not a big deal.
You almost want to run your finger
down their forearm, and
observe your fingertip.
I have seen the husband strut
From front door to Land Rover
I've seen the glint of his forearm
As I chew a Danish in
the grayish-lavender shade
of my kitchen. This sentence is a bit of a mouthful, I think there should be some punctuation in there (i.e a comma after Land Rover). I also don't like the repetition of "I have seen" -> "I've seen" so soon after, for no real purpose.

Mrs. Chen has seen the woman
Whilst getting her mail--
The wife has Baywatch blonde hair.
She also has the wooden tobacco Indian tan. This seems too natural a colour for me; I prefer to imagine them orangutan orange. Of course that is more from a spray tan than a tanning bed, but that wouldn't bother me.
I can't seem to stop looking at her spherical breasts 
The nipples are like little marbles 
It's like ignoring someone staring There should be some punctuation in these three lines, I definitely pause a couple of times when reading them.
You lock eyes fixedly,
hoping you don't look crazy
Praying for anything interesting to happen
In the background.

I peel an orange and text
my friend about what freaks they are 
Leaving little sticky prints on the screen. I think there should be a comma after the second line of this stanza, I naturally pause there.
I'm not sure if I'm revolted or jealous
really--their teeth are unnaturally bluish-white I don't think "really" is necessary.
-It's hard not to just watch them flash
while they talk.
They dress...Forever 21 I think this line is the weakest in the poem, I would cut it if I were you.
When they have to be...mid-fourties
His neck tattoos 
And her pierced belly button
Make my eyelid shiver
with unspent mirth. I think you could keep the bit about them being mid-fourties and contrast it with these images (it already is contrasting, but I think it would be stronger without mentioning forever 21 - for some reason that line really irks me.) 

Undoubtedly if I were told to strip Undoubtedly isn't necessary here imo.
at gunpoint by a bank robber,
I would rather be shot.
I am squishy. My smallish breasts are wiggly. What's wrong with wiggly breasts?
I'm a pale, washed-out cream color
With freckles, and some scribbly
Violet veins, here and there. Here and there is superfluous as well.
I used to be a character, unforgettable 
Tell a joke to a crowd gal
But not now There should be some punctuation at the end of this line - I pause here.
Now your eyes will bounce off me
As I'm generally unnoticed 
In my suburban camouflage 
Of black yoga pants
And ponytail. I like the next turn here - one would have assumed the title was referring to the tans etc of the narrators neighbours.

Mrs. Chen and I 
Drink wine on my back deck
Peering around the pergola, I like the word pergola, I don't think I've heard it before.
and perennials
That give my hand something to do I think there should be some punctuation here.
I dead head geraniums,
as our snarky tongues devour
the level of blush wine sinks
In my glass
as the sun sinks,
and the navy night
rises.
My neighbor drags her small, ridiculous, I don't think you need "ridiculous" - I already picture a Paris Hilton esque dog from small, and what you've already said about these people.
unwilling dog home
I'm alone in my shivering ferns.

Their clothes are so tight
It's no effort to imagine them naked I think there should be a period here.
Their sex, I imagine, is near perfect-
nothing jiggles
Pretty sweat rolls down
His aquiline nose, her hip bones
Shining bronze angles.
Lights on and eyes open.
I finish my wine
And salute the night sky
With my goblet
     "Ut diligatis vas vacuum replendum."
     May love fill this empty vessel
     The night is long, oh Lord.

They don't have curtains upstairs
I see the yellow rectangles glowing
upstairs--I imagine You don't need to say upstairs again, we know that from the first line.
they hope someone is watching
maybe--they anticipate I will watch
and that sole thought
is the green button
To the orgasm that
rockets through them. A pleasing finish.

I really enjoyed the content of the poem. Some things distracted me from the content, though: in many places (more than the couple I pointed out) I found it necessary to pause, and you had no punctuation to guide my pauses. I had to add my own punctuation while reading, which may have made the rhythm of the poem different than you intended. Also, you seem to capitalize/not-capitalize the beginning of lines at random as well - I would recommend only capitalizing certain proper nouns and the beginning of sentences, but if you are going to capitalize the beginning of lines, do it for every single line.

That being said, it was a great read, and I liked how it turns from intrigue to hate to jealousy to hate - or maybe they're all the same thing.