06-14-2016, 10:58 AM
@ambrosial revelation - Good edits, incremental improvement without losing the heart.
My eye now snags on "white hot welders torches," finding a need for a hyphen ("whte-hot") and an apostrophe ("welders' "). Also still not feeling quite on-message about the serpent/chains, but now I know where the image is going the initial puzzlement is hard to recapture. Maybe it's hard to believe even a couple of hundred fathoms old anchor chain could produce enough dust of rust to completely obscure the view, but I wasn't there and the poet was.
A grand day out with Granda!
My eye now snags on "white hot welders torches," finding a need for a hyphen ("whte-hot") and an apostrophe ("welders' "). Also still not feeling quite on-message about the serpent/chains, but now I know where the image is going the initial puzzlement is hard to recapture. Maybe it's hard to believe even a couple of hundred fathoms old anchor chain could produce enough dust of rust to completely obscure the view, but I wasn't there and the poet was.
A grand day out with Granda!
Non-practicing atheist