06-12-2016, 05:19 PM
Thank you, Mark for the in-depth critique . I especially appreciate all the little recommends on ways to shorten the length. I'm going to rehash it a bit on my laptop. Now I am obsessing over the 'eyes bounce' reword...lol...I don't like 'gaze' and now when I read it I just see, well....eyeballs bouncing
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