06-12-2016, 11:01 AM
(06-12-2016, 06:35 AM)Namyh Wrote: Ever been cannonaded by enemies,Altogether not bad. But the first part here, this made me cringe the first time -- for two reasons. First, what appears to be the deletion of "had" preceding lines 3 and 4. That, coupled with the confusion about what the suit of armor is being likened to, leaves me unable to form a coherent syntax when reading this.
torpedoed by insecurities,
your self-image bullet riddled by faults;
your attitude shelled and your smile in shrapnel
like a suit of armor held together by a loose bolt?
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona