The Epitaph of Gurash the Brash

[Slix343]

"It was no surprise that Gurash the Brash could not slay the dragon.
Though it was a surprise that finally, the dragon managed to slay Gurash the Brash."

If Gurash the Brash is in your title, it probably doesn't have to be in your poem.

I would say cut "that finally" but I think its one of the few necessary elements of humor if paring down the poem is to be successful.

It seems that there is too much setup to make this work. I don't have a solution for you yet, but I think concentrating on getting it done in one line relying mostly on line two to be the base you work from might get you there.

Thank you those are excellent points and I'll consider them!