06-09-2016, 03:35 PM
Hello!
I reeeeally like the line 'translated my body for you'...I keep reading it. I do like this piece as a whole ....I appreciate the snake eating it's tail type--piranha / teeth, puma/ meat --references .
I don't like the repeated line 'I used to think you're so cool' ...I doesn't sound right to me, because the tense would be weird I think , if it were the literal: I used to think you are real cool. Hmm :/
How about: ' I used to think you were so cool'?
I don't get' I stacked my books between your inner shelving'. Sometimes I don't get something, but I still like the way it feels. In that case I didn't get your meaning OR feel it. Sorry.
I feel like this was written about a woman that you feel a lot for--and this woman thinks a lot of herself, arrogant maybe. ...and I feel that the author admired her once, but not as much anymore . Am I close?
I hope some of my commentary is useful. Good luck--V
I reeeeally like the line 'translated my body for you'...I keep reading it. I do like this piece as a whole ....I appreciate the snake eating it's tail type--piranha / teeth, puma/ meat --references .
I don't like the repeated line 'I used to think you're so cool' ...I doesn't sound right to me, because the tense would be weird I think , if it were the literal: I used to think you are real cool. Hmm :/
How about: ' I used to think you were so cool'?
I don't get' I stacked my books between your inner shelving'. Sometimes I don't get something, but I still like the way it feels. In that case I didn't get your meaning OR feel it. Sorry.
I feel like this was written about a woman that you feel a lot for--and this woman thinks a lot of herself, arrogant maybe. ...and I feel that the author admired her once, but not as much anymore . Am I close?
I hope some of my commentary is useful. Good luck--V